I look so bad today

Today I am wearing brown pants with an awkward waistband (actually from Ann Taylor Loft, so they are decent, just not working for me), a sweater in a pretty bright orange that is too short in the sleeves, a light aqua camisole, and low-top converse sneakers. Also, a short grey wool coat with a hood, also with too-short sleeves, and with the bonus of a ripped shoulder. And folks, this was the best I could do today. I need help! I have one pair of pants that I love, zero sweaters, 1 skirt... I'm in a bad way.

Black and Blue

I tried the darker blue nail polish, and I mean to tell you (as my grandmother would say), it is by far the most popular thing I have ever worn in all my life. Here is a list of the people who have complimented it:

1. Two coworkers
2. Receptionist at my nutritionist's office
3. Generally cranky woman with limited English who works at Panera, whose expression of delight came through a whimsical little waggling of her own fingernails
4. The nurse who assisted with my colonoscopy. Seriously.

It's Essie's Aruba Blue, and honestly I'm still looking at my fingers and wondering if they look cheesy. Part of me suspects that people are complimenting me because it looks so weird that they feel driven to say something. This has happened to me in the past when someone's hair is a really bad color or cut. But this is generally when I know someone, and the situation calls for me to say something, anything. In this case, almost invariably, the complimenters (that's so not a word) have not been people I know well at all, so my conclusion is that they actually like it. No wonder it's all the rage.

This morning I had an acute attack of fashion anemia. I put on a pair of grey plaid pants with a black shirt and a darker grey sweater. I felt awkward, and my awkwardness was confirmed when my husband said to me, "Ih. You look funny." By the way, "ih" is not my name, but rather the sound of disgust. "I know, I do, right?"

I went on a tear through my dressers and closet searching for an item I knew did not exist there: black pants.

Why is it so hard to find an appropriate pair of frigging black pants for work? If I could find these pants, I would buy 25 pairs, and wear them every day. I have black suit pants with stripes. I have blue work pants with a light pin stripe (my favorite pants at the moment). I have brown suit pants, also with stripes. There's a reason I have all these stripes. They're flattering. For the life of me, I can not find a pair of plain black pants that does the same for my shape. The result is that I have trouble pairing tops with pants, because I always have to wear solids on top. It is my dream, actually, to have a beautifully tailored pair of grey pants, black pants, navy blue pants, and brown pants. I mean really. Those should be a staple in any person's wardrobe. I am open to suggestions, oh Internet, although I know I do not have many (or any) readers yet. I have a serious pants problem!

Out of Place

OK, so I did absolutely nothing on the whole wardrobe-renovating mission this weekend, but I did have a minor revelation. It may seem obvious to readers, but for me it's been a puzzle, so here it is.

I went to a small barbecue at a friend's house last night, and I was wearing a nice, fitted brown corduroy blazer and jeans with kind of a cool long sleeved t-shirt (buttons at the neck) underneath, and I found myself feeling rather self-conscious about my blazer. I realized after a little while that my feelings had nothing to do with the outfit itself - I looked fine - but rather with the environment. My friend is a woman who dresses ultra-feminine. She's latina and she worked in fashion, and she's way into the flowy stuff, and accessories. When I'm around women like that I always feel a little bit like a red-headed stepchild, or maybe an awkward prepubescent boy.

But you know what? I'm not ultra-feminine, so there's no reason I should feel like my style should reflect that sensibility. This mission is going to be about pairing items that make me feel good, and help me to reflect my actual personality (not the ones I sometimes wish I had), which is a little bit nerdy, I guess. I feel great when I put on a dress and glam out, but there is a time and a place for that in my book, and my everyday style needs to be easy and humble. It's always been that way, so now I just need to find a way to make it look good, and to feel awesome about it. Clearly I have some psychological habits to break before I get there.

Blue Nailpolish

THE NAILPOLISH EXPERIMENT: I had a darker blue and a sky blue to choose between at Walgreen's, and I'm sort of wishing I chose the darker one. I got the Revlon Bright Sky polish, and even with 3 coats, it's not opaque, leaving me with kind of a weird look. A pale white woman like me needs an opaque blue, I think. This color would look AWESOME on a black woman with a medium to dark skin tone, though.

Today, I'm going back to Walgreen's to see if I can do an exchange. They had a disappointingly small number of options in the blue family, though, so I may end up having to go to Sephora at the mall, which will take up my entire lunch break.

This weekend, I am planning a critical tear through my wardrobe, throwing out mistake items that I never wear, or should never wear. On a recent business trip, I survived just fine with one suit, 2 blazers, and a few camisoles, so there's really no need for me to hold onto a huge wardrobe of items that make me look awful, or that I'm hoping to fit into at some point.

As I exercise more and lose a little bit of weight, I'm realizing that this process might not make me fit into pants/shorts I wore a couple years ago, because exercising doesn't just make you skinny, it builds muscles. Basically I'm finding that I'm finally growing an ass. That's a good thing, and I should be tossing (or donating) my old items with a smile. I don't know how much I am going to accomplish, because my husband and I have a lot planned for this weekend, but I'm going to get started!

Ugly Betty Moment

Today I had a close encounter with the legendary snobbery of the fashion world through an e-mail a colleague shared with me. It was from someone who works for a moderately respected fashion house in New York.

Let me preface this by saying that I am in publishing, and the magazine I work for is somewhat connected to high-end items that are sold by this fashion house. A few months ago, I had spoken on the phone with this representative of the company, and sent her a copy of the magazine as an introduction. My colleague was reaching out to her for similar purposes, and mentioned that I had recommended her as a contact. Here's the response:

"I apologize, but I don’t recall working with her. Perhaps she worked with one of my associates?


"In any case, I have looked at the website and I don’t feel that (fashion line being discussed) would be a good fit. We are really trying to be part of pages that have more upscale designers, and unfortunately, I haven’t heard of most of the companies under the (magazine's designer list) page.


"Thank you for your interest in (fashion line).


"Best,

PR Person"

OK, first of all, I love the whole, "I don't remember speaking to your co-worker," bit. Perfect. Also, the desire for more upscale designers... and the litmus test for "upscale" being whether or not this person has heard of them before. Um, do you have any idea how much people pay for this stuff, lady? Maybe you haven't heard of everyone. And finally, signing your e-mails with "best" after a blow-off is so Ugly Betty. Well, I hope her shoes hurt.

Liquid Liner Success

I got the Almay Brown Topaz, and it's really nice. I was a little intimidated by the brush you use to paint it on, but with a little bit of smearing, and some concealer for the parts I really needed to blur, it looks very natural, and very pretty. It basically just made it look like I have nice thick eyelashes, which I guess is the whole point.

I picked up a bottle of light blue nailpolish too, but I have to wait to report on that because I have chipping clear polish on my nails right now.

So now I feel all pretty with my eyeliner, except that I didn't bother to blow dry my hair this morning, I have a huge cold sore on my nose, and 2 zits on my chin. But hey, it's progress.

Liquid Liner and Lilac Nailpolish

My e-mail has just issued me a challenge. Every once in a while I get a newsletter from Carmindy.com, which is the website of that great lady who does makeup on TLC's What Not To Wear. Her latest one touts liquid eyeliner, something I have always felt was too girly for me to even attempt. She recommends a bunch of them, but I'm going to pick one of the ones that's available at Walgreen's, since I have to buy toothpaste today anyway. Here are those recommendations:

Almay Intense I-Color Liquid Liner in "Brown Topaz" (she says it's "universally flattering")
CoverGirl Line Exact Liquid Liner Pen in "Very Black" (the pen makes it easy to apply, Carmindy says)

Fashionista has been pointing out nail polish in shades of pale blue and lilac in the last few weeks, so I'm going to try out a new shade in that family too. Hopefully I can find that at Walgreen's! I'll report back with the results of these two experiments.

It's Time

As an introduction, I will simply tell you that I am a 30-year-old woman who has spent her entire life not feeling quite right in her clothes, making fashion errors, spending too little or too much, and hardly ever achieving the classic style I have sought. Every time I am in public, I see women dressed in outfits that make me drool - the way their pants fall gently from their hips, with hems right where they should be. The crisply pressed shirts, untangled soft hair that stays in place, the dresses that look so natural you'd think they were designed with the specific wearer in mind.

My hippie upbringing —with its focus on the natural and its general disdain for focus on one's appearance—aside, I stand ready to admit to the world that finally, at 30, I am ready to look good.

This blog will chronicle my efforts to learn about fashion/style and implement the knowledge for my own appearance. So far, my resources are www.fashionista.com (which I started reading for work purposes, and which is largely responsible for this new quest of mine), Vogue (subscription should start with the next issue!), and my own eyes, which have been analyzing style and fashion for the first time these last few months.

I am 5"10" tall and of slim/athletic build with some exceptions. In the last 6 months, I have begun exercising regularly for the first time ever (well, since high school field hockey, I guess), so I am feeling pretty good about the way I look, but I have always had a proportion problem because of my wide hips. There's been a pleasing decrease in the noticeability (is that a word?) of that proportion problem since I started exercising again, but it's probably always going to be an issue for me. I like to highlight other areas, but my awkward feelings about my general proportions have had me looking awkward much of the time. It's time to get over it! I think finding the right clothes (and tossing the ones that don't work) will do me a lot of good.

So, here on Fashion Virgin I will let you know about my daily (or close to it) experiments in improving my appearance, and maybe we'll all learn something.